I send love to each of you, my friends, for a joyful, healthy, and spirit-filled year ahead.  As the light of the days lengthens, may you find that your heart expands to receive the warmth of love.

Hello to all my friends - all those who haven't withdrawn because I've not been here much in the last few months!  I have thought about you and missed you.  Times available to get online were very limited during this trip as wifi hotspots were not always available.

I arrived back in Tucson last Wednesday, two days earlier than I planned.  It was a good trip - a challenging trip - an educational trip - an expensive trip!!!  I put over 6,000 miles on my truck and saw a lot of Oregon and a bit of Washington.  Unfortunately, for much of the trip I felt very limited by my companion's life situation.  I state that fact here, and because I don't want to revisit my feelings of resentment, I'll not speak anymore about it.

I learned a LOT about me, and what I want and don't want when it comes to traveling with another person!  You can read about the trip here.  There are a few photos that I inserted later from earlier in the trip, once I learned how.

One highlight of my trip was meeting a fellow from Washington at the local solar fair in John Day.  He had his telescope pointed at the sun so folks could view it.  He was reading a book, and I inquired about it - it was on the Enneagram.  My inquiry began a conversation that lasted over three hours, sharing life stories, stories about recent losses of significant people in our lives, sharing our tears and hugs, and holding hands.  We exchanged email addresses and have corresponded a few times since then.  I bought a copy of the same book, and began to study it, to see what I'm like, and to ask about that from my traveling companion.  I can say I've had my eyes opened a lot.

And I can say that in reviewing how I've lived my life, in many ways I've been a team player, not taking much for myself.  I'm learning that that needs to change.  It's good sometimes to be a team player, but only when there is an agreement that you're on a team!!!

These two weeks of preparation for going to New Mexico are very full of still more 'doing' - oil change/tire rotation, cleaning out my storage shed and packing the stuff in the truck, getting prescriptions filled, and visiting my Crone friends, mailing things to family so I'm not taking them with me down the road.

Yesterday I found a box of year books and albums of travels - the box was so heavy that I decided I would let go of these 'memories' - I don't need the material things to remember what's in my heart about where I've been - and my children are not interested in having that stuff.  So I think...what a waste it all was.  Today I threw out all my city planning drawings from my graduate program.  Who in the least would care about them?  And large framed posters that I appreciated when I had a condo are going to Goodwill on Monday.  I've already been there once so far.

It is a little unnerving to see that all my worldly goods are packed in the back of my truck and in my trailer.  I've let go of so much in the last few years, and I'm thinking that it ain't over yet!  It's interesting to see that I am letting go of what is no longer needed or wanted, and that I am adding new things that bring me enjoyment.  I seem to be following some kind of guidance, and I have no idea where things are headed for me.  And through it all I still have what I need, and much of what I want.  And tomorrow is not guaranteed.  I still struggle to not be afraid.

At least for another while!

This will probably be my last blog for quite awhile, and I wanted to let everyone know that I am finally getting on the road.  I expected to leave on Sunday (my birthday...) but Liz said she could go with me if we could wait a few more days.  I told her that come June 26 I was leaving - with her or without her. 

The heat is really getting to me.  This is the third June I've been in Tucson; it gets so hot before the monsoons.  I've had to push myself to complete the necessary tasks of stowing away and securing everything, while perspiring profusely and getting a little overheated.  Now that it's hot in the morning, too, there's hardly a time to do things in the coolness that used to be.

And while getting things ready for the trip, I've also been sorting through all my belongings and deciding what to get rid of and what to keep.  Considering that many of the things were 'pretties' I had when I lived in a condo, and some were family 'heirlooms', and some of them were memories, and treasured art work, my mind has been jumbled with decision-making.  I don't want to haul everything to NM when I get back to Tucson in October.  But it looks like I will still take some of it. 

I have managed to reduce the amount and weight of stuff I'll be taking with me.  I sold a heavy three-ton jack that was never opened; and a set of golf clubs I'd only used twice.  I still have the TV and the glass items that will have to wait their turns.  And, although it was fairly expensive, I sent the glass items my daughter wanted, some of which were mine, and some that were her grandmother's.  I'm glad that she will have the joy of using them.

I said goodbye to the Desert Crones last Thursday.  I will be blessed this coming Thursday when, in their drumming circle, they drum me well-wishes on my journey.  What a loving group of women.  I hope to visit a few times during the winter, as Tucson is not that far from where I'll be - a day trip is all.

So tomorrow I put the hitch on the truck, empty the tanks of their fluids and do all that can be done until the very last minute on Thursday morning, mostly disconnecting the power and water and making sure everything is tied on tight.

So, for a while, my friends, I'm 'on the road again!'

Much love to you all.

For my friends here at Gaia, I'm writing about the latest 'new' thing for me.  I made a decision!!!  It's hard to explain, but it was such a quick, yet considered, decision.  And it was mine!  Not one that carried any energy from others' thoughts, and over these past several months I've heard Doc a LOT!

Some of you know that my plan has been to return to Tucson for the winter after I spend the summer up in the Northwest.  Well, all that has changed, on a dime - almost literally.  I was planning to pay my rent for the year, (due June 1) although I'd be here only six months, because it's the most frugal way.  I had a hard time parting with so much money at one fell swoop.  So I made a call to the Loners on Wheels RV park in Deming, NM.  I can spend the winter there for half the Tucson monthly rate (based on the annual cost), and I don't have to commit to a year to get that rate.

So when I get back to Tucson in October I'll be here just long enough to collect the things out of my storage and head to Deming.  It's interesting how things just 'fell into place'.  All I had to do was inquire, and I felt a LOT of pressure.  The urging - 'come on, Su, decide, for Pete's sake!'  So I did, and I feel so relieved.  I acted on the thoughts I'd been having over the last few months - being with other single RVers, not stuck in a place of 'traditional' lifestyle, and saving a few coins.

The hardest aspect to this is leaving the warmth of the Desert Crones.  I know, though, that their love comes right along with me, and I've made some lifetime friends who will know what I'm doing as I travel.  And this new thing with beading is just blowing me away.  My teacher says that I'm the best student she's ever had - and we are going to have to get together as much as possible while I'm in Tucson for her to teach me as much as she knows.  I saw that Deming also has a gem show, so if I don't make it to the Tucson show next February, I can still get some new beads!!!

This new decision has sort of awakened me to the fact that this is really my life, and I'm not going to enjoy it if I always take the 'safe' route.  I've made other big decisions, but this one is really different, in terms of how I feel about deciding differently, and seeing the synchronicity of it.  I was thinking that when I get back I'll have to find a part-time job or do some temp work to supplement my income.  Now I'm into the mode of looking for work-camping opportunities, and I've heard that they ARE out there!

I just wanted to share - I know that many of you probably don't stop here much anymore - and that's okay.  For those of you who are curious, I say 'hi' and thanks for stopping by.  I think of you all often, and wish you all the best as you spend your days becoming more and more enlightened.  Much love to you all.

If you would like to follow my explorations I have a blog here

Tonight is the new moon, upon which I usually do ceremony each month, setting intention and sending prayers to Creator.  Tonight is different.

I read in the Science of Mind magazine for May that someone has declared May 4th Relationship Renewal Day - a day to renew your relationship with your partner or spouse.  May 4th is the day on which my partner passed away last year (and coincidentally - ? - his former wedding anniversary!) 

Yesterday I spent the day honoring our relationship and set intentions to release all that was negative and honor all as good.  We continue to be partners, in Spirit, and as he said, quoting Buzz Lightyear, "to Infinity and beyond!"

Tonight I create ceremony to renew the relationship to myself, to honor myself, and to love myself as I have imagined a partner might, giving to myself that which I desire - attention, nurturance, playfulness, honor, and so forth.  Last year while Doc's sister was visiting for the celebration of Doc's life we went to Tubac, AZ.  I had mentioned that I was going to "marry myself".  She kindly offered to provide the ring.  Tonight I place it on my finger once again to remember Who I Am.

One thing I am is very excited to be re-creating myself with a new vision for my life.  I am grateful that I have this place to share my vision with you, my friends, who have traveled with me through this past year.

I've been 'away' for a while, and now I want to update all my friends here on what has been happening...

I can hardly believe that it has been a year since I joined this community.  I joined when Doc was hospitalized in March 2007.  Since then I have been making a major readjustment to the loss of my partner and the dream we shared.  Now it is time for me to re-create my life once again.

In recent months I have been anxious about how I'm going to live in and maintain my home - a 25' travel trailer that has been parked in the same spot since January 2007. I've been angry that I have to do it all alone - I'm so aware of the many things Doc did for us and this structure that I wasn't doing.  And I've been feeling that as I AM living in a TRAVEL trailer, I should look at whether I want to continue to travel in it, and therefore, get it ready for the road.

Taking responsibility now, I have felt 'whelmed' (as Doc would say) by all the aspects of caring for this home by myself.  As I don't want to experience the heat of another Tucson summer, it has become imperative that I get the trailer travel-ready.  So, I recently hired an RV technician to come to my site and do some maintenance and repairs that I needed before I could safely travel - almost $1100 later, with repairs and four new trailer tires, I was 'ready', sort of. 

I 'happened' to hear about an RV school that was happening in downtown Tucson this month - the Life on Wheels conference.  Last week I attended 2 1/2 days and 10 90-minute courses on such subjects as tire safety, fire safety, RV insurance, awning care, batteries, boondocking, and working while on the road.  I also packed up, hitched up the trailer to the truck, and drove to the other side of town to learn how to drive my rig, through a 3 1/2 hour RV driving course.  I'm happy to report that after those few hours, with my neighbor as my teammate, I drove back home and parked the rig in my space, perfectly, on the first attempt!  I just HAD to call my driving instructor to report on this - he reminded me that this may not happen on other attempts!!!

Now I feel ready to take myself (and my neighbor) on the road for the summer.  That little excursion taught me more about how to pack the rig, and how to really do a safety check before hitting the road.  I finally got all the pieces back together in my cabinets, and made some decisions about how I can simplify my surroundings even more than before.

My neighbor Liz - who lost her husband two months after Doc passed away, from the very same condition - has volunteered, along with me, for a Passport in Time heritage preservation program with the US Forest Service in Oregon.  We will be traveling from Tucson to Oregon for a two-month project, and then travel to the Seattle area where we both have family.  Then we will meander down the Oregon coast, head inland to dig for sunstones at a mine, and then begin the journey back to Tucson for the Fall.

Last summer I joined a group known as Loners on Wheels - it's a national organization for RVing singles, with local groups.  I went on a few campouts, but in my truck only.  Their focus is getting together monthly during the winter 'season' at southern Arizona sites to dry camp, and socialize.  More recently I connected online with a group of solos who actually travel a lot more for longer distances.  I met a few members of this group at the conference.  So the networking is becoming invaluable to me!

For the next three months I will remain in Tucson, just hanging out and getting even more organized, taking inventory of tools, and making lists for what is in each compartment, to make things easier for me and my traveling companion.  Although we won't be living in the trailer while doing our volunteer job - they provide free housing, and they'll let me park/store my rig in the office parking lot - it will be ready for our trip further north, and other points in Oregon.

I have dropped by some of my favorite places here at Gaia from time-to-time, and some of you have sent me short notes.  Thanks for continuing to keep me in your thoughts...as I have kept you in mine.  I hope to meet some of you who live in the area(s) I'll be traveling through.  I invite you to contact me so we can make connections!

Love to you all,
Su

I've decided that I will not spend another summer in Tucson and I've been researching options.  I recently applied, with my friend, to volunteer at a national forest in Oregon to assist in heritage preservation projects.  My focus is on making sure I have my truck and my trailer in good condition to travel the 1300 miles there.  This will be my first experience on the road since Doc passed away last spring.  I feel anxious, and excited.  I have registered for a local course on boondocking and RV safety, and I'm exploring areas where I can inexpensively park my rig to make my trip financially rewarding.

I am trained in hypnotherapy - I have my credentials, and they are current.  I am qualified in the state of Arizona, as well as registered in Colorado. 

Where I live I decided to offer my knowledge to the community by writing an announcement for the community newsletter that I wanted to give a workshop on self-hypnosis to those who might be interested.

Not that I was totally surprised, but I was advised that I might not be able to conduct that workshop for 'liability' reasons; specifically that someone could hold the park responsible for a bad outcome.  Fear...fear abounds...The fact that if I take a 'sanctioned' class for learning how to wrap wire around a stone, and I might cut a finger, and therefore come to the park for remuneration of my doctor's bills, is not an issue.  Somehow, learning self-hypnosis creates a liability issue for the park. 

I just wanted to put a sign-up sheet in the activity office to see who might be interested.  I guess that anyone who might be interested is prohibited by 'park policy' from learning self-hypnosis in a group setting, but I can offer it on my site...(in my little trailer).   Hmmm.

Now I am wondering how I can present information about the healing effects of hypnosis in a way that is not so threatening.  There is a lot of need for education about this tool for finding solutions to our problems. 

The deadline for the newsletter is tomorrow, so I am asking for guidance about 1) whether to continue to pursue the idea of a workshop, and 2) how I can create a workshop that is less threatening, but provides growth for those who seek it. 

New Year's Eve I had a ball - no, wait, I was at a ball...

For the first time in a very long time "Grace" showed up...she's my alter ego, and she's a bit of a tart, and mouthy.  Doc didn't like her very much - she is very playful, and over the top, sometimes...

I went to the community New Year celebration where a DJ played a lot of familiar tunes, and I hung out with some friends - our table was the loudest and raunchiest - and I know we had more fun than anyone else there!  We joked, danced, laughed a LOT, and played.  Yes, there was alcohol present, and for a couple of us maybe too much down the hatch.  No one got out of hand, though, or was totally out of control.  Myself, I was conservative, but to see some of the pictures taken, you would think that maybe I really was over the top!

Anyway, it was a good thing.  I didn't care about being respectable, or liked, or 'out of line' in another's view.   It was just plain fun.

And today I was cutting up in another way - and remembering the joy of creating a project.  The community photo club is sponsoring a photo contest in about a week.  The deadline for submission was today.  So I put together a 'presentation' - crude as it was...and I had a good time doing it.  Measuring the poster board, and cutting out the opening to frame my photo was fun.  I hadn't done anything like it since I was in grad school, in the architecture studio in 1995.  I used my drawing tools, my scale, my Xacto knife...oh how good it felt!  I'm a novice at creating prints of photos - I have a lot to learn.  I'm not thrilled with how the printer applied the color to my photo paper.  Never-the-less I decided to participate in something I enjoy,and I put forth the effort to submit a favorite photo - one that I'm proud of.  Again, it doesn't matter whether I get a vote or not, whether someone else likes the photo or not.  It was something I created, and gave to the community, just because.

Note:  The image is the photo I mounted for the exhibit.  It was taken in October while I was on a camping trip near Patagonia, AZ - taken in the morning as the sun backlit the web, next to my truck.  I call it WWW (Web Within Web).

It helps when someone does what they say they are going to do; when they are who they say they are.  Consistency; honesty; straightforwardness...being in their integrity.