The very first thing that comes to mind is that I either know where everything is, or if I can't find something it's because I, and only I, misplaced it!  I can leave something in one spot and feel confident that it won't be moved.

I've spent a lot of time alone, even when I had someone with whom to relate living with me.  That has given me the opportunity to learn about myself.  Whether with myself, or others, there is always something more to learn about me...

I believe that one of my main life lessons is learning how to be independent.  That has entailed a lot of alone time.  When one is alone, one has to rely on oneself, whether that means doing something oneself, or knowing how to find the help one needs.  And that moves me into interdependence with the world.

I really enjoy the interactions.  I love the humor and exchanges of information.  I love seeing myself as others.

I have always been a big dreamer, journaling them for many years.  My dreams offer me information I need to know about something I may not be aware of.  They give me answers to questions I've asked, even unconsciously.  They tell me jokes, and make me laugh.  My higher self knows that I love puns, and provides many through the medium of dreams!  One time I was getting so many dreams every night, and having trouble writing them all down, that I asked my "dream power" to give me only the 'important' ones. 

These days, I don't remember so many dreams.  When I can recall one, I know it is important.  I recently began a dream study group for the Desert Crones, that meets in the RV park.  We have six regular members, and they are so excited to get together twice a month to share.  The last meeting went over time almost an hour, we were having so much fun!

I also was host for a dream group when I lived in Virginia.  We met every week after work, and ate Bodo's bagels and drank tea for dinner.  That group became a very intimate, trusting support group for all of us.  We grew with each other, and loved each other.

While they aren't exactly dreams, songs come to me as messages.  I know that when I have a song on my mind when I wake up, it is a message for me.  Many times I have looked up the lyrics to the songs to find the message I was needing.  And sometimes the messages come in whispers of phrases as I awake.

I like to draw pictures of things I see in my dreams, especially diagrams.  They help me to orient myself to the action in the dream.  The pictures are also a way to describe something that words can't...

Dreams let me know that I am connected to the ethers...the Universe...and All That Is.

Not too much anymore.  I haven't totally freed myself of concern; however, I'm getting better at focusing on MY life, rather than how I can fit into others' lives...I'm becoming more attuned to what is important to me, regardless of how others respond or react.

I feel my resistance popping up at this question.  I don't want to learn anything today is what I hear me saying...I spend so much time 'learning', as in studying, that I don't want to put any energy into it today.  So maybe I'll 'learn' to just be...

Today it would be nice if someone would stop by MY house and give me a hug. It would be nice if someone would come by to see how I'M doing. I walk by my neighbor's house everyday on my way to the mail box - she's the one who lost her husband two months after Doc passed, of the very same disease. When she's out on her patio, taking her smoke, I stop to say hello, and spend some time chatting, commiserating, perhaps. Has she made any effort to come by my house to see how I am? NO. She did come by one evening though, to ask if I'd seen her cat... Almost daily I make it a point to go to another friend's house to give him a hug. He is getting chemotherapy for terminal colon cancer. I feel like we've always known each other. His wife and I have become friends, and we've shared some time by the pool talking about our past losses and disappointments. We've been to lunch together - I've offered to accompany her on errands, not only for the friendship, but to get myself away from my emptiness. When I haven't been by for a couple of days, do they call to inquire if I'm okay? NO. Today I'd love to have a hug - a real face-to-face contact, where someone is wondering about how I AM. Today I'm tired from too much grief, too much dealing with the realities of caring for this trailer by myself - i.e., frozen hose lines and no heat - and not enough sleep. People go by this place on their bikes, walking, talking, and if they see me outside, they acknowledge me - it's that superficial neighborliness on their way to their own business. I went to a dance on Friday night to put myself into a more social energy - and I did dance some. I had a good time. I came by myself, and I left by myself - and there was not anyone to say 'bye, have a good night' or 'take care going home.' I don't usually have 'pity parties' for myself, but today, I'm down, and missing some REAL human contact with someone who really cares about me. I'm tired of being the one who reaches out to touch someone or 'ask for help.' I've been doing that. Today I'm just plain tired of being the one who is putting out the energy...

Well, I loved Aley's response - common sense.

And I also love non-sense...

In terms of our six senses, perhaps more (?)...my hearing is the strongest.  I'm unsure about my intuition - it seems to be related to my common sense, which I know I have plenty of...

When I was raising children my husband would advise me about things he had told them, and I would say, 'I know'.  He thought that as I was in a room on the other end of the house I couldn't hear what he was saying to them.  I think it's a skill I learned growing up - perhaps I was a bit hypervigilant...

JOY!

I have Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart...to stay.

A big Good Medicine hug to my friend George, who is receiving chemotherapy for colon cancer.

Simplify...remember the simple and profound gifts that are ours from Spirit.  Focus on simplicity and the joy of living simply.  Remember that the only moment one has is the one that is being lived right now.  Make it the best!

I have been catching glimpses of myself in my new life.  Some Light is entering into my awareness of the power I have to create a life anew, without my partner.  It is amazing how much I absorbed of his being, his attitudes about certain things, and his ideas about life.  We held mutual ideas about some things; I was receptive to his ideas about other things.  Now that our mutual dream is over, I have been occasionally aware of the fog lifting so that I can see what I want to do - knowing that first of all I don't have to solve the problem right NOW, as that is a pressure I usually place on myself.  Secondly, I don't have to know yet what the 'answer' is to any of my questions.  I can allow myself to flow into it...I realize that I have another opportunity to deepen myself, and become more of who I am in a different way.  It feels somehow like I am completing something I started years ago, that within my relationship was temporarily put on hold.

My first blog was the day I joined zaadz, and Doc was in the hospital.  He passed away a few weeks later.  In the past eight months since his passing I have been traveling through the fog of grief.  I am discovering more of the self I left behind when I entered our relationship.  Many days with Doc were wonderful, and sporadically they were inharmonious, which left me feeling depleted and defeated.  I  am grateful that I didn't quit, and that I did 'hang in there', which is what our promise to each other was about.  It wasn't easy sometimes. 

I am still struggling to understand our relationship from a spiritual perspective - shadow and light, duality v. non-duality, acceptance and unconditional love v. judgment and criticism.  With the distance of a few months I can see some things I wasn't able to see before, even in this fog.  It must be the yellow-tinted glasses, not the rose-colored ones I was wearing before!  Humor aside, when a significant relationship ends through death, and the other isn't around to converse with, it's difficult to work through the splinters of the relationship. I want to know what went wrong, what could I have done to make things better - how did I need to view things differently?  Where did I go wrong?  Some of my questions are unanswerable.  Oh, that it were that easy to just 'dump' the baggage and move on, freely.  Unfortunately, it's a process - one that takes as long as it takes.

I recently was awakened by something I heard on TV about how we allow ourselves to be controlled by an 'other' by hanging on to feelings of anger, resentment, etc. - basically staying attached to them through these feelings, which permeate every other relationship we are in.  This is why it is necessary for me to release my feelings...I do it consciously; however, it still takes time...

Most of my life I've felt that I don't belong anywhere - like the Ugly Duckling...and as I grow, I see that a lot of that 'not belonging' has been a choice I've made.  There is always the issue of balancing my needs with the needs of others - the individual and the collective.  And there is the idea that when I don't feel I belong, it's because I am rejecting myself in some way...I'm not clear on how I do that, but it makes sense to me that for some places, people, etc., they are 'not me', as a shadow self.  And it's okay - not all folks resonate with me, and vice versa.  Mostly in my life I have felt I'm at the edge of a thing, or 'on the fringes', not willing to just jump right into something, no matter how appealing...So there is a wariness.  It was a great experience to feel a part of a community in the workshops I attended with the Foundation for Community Encouragement.  Autonomy, within a group - consensus - equal partnership.  I love true community!  They are rare...some places within zaadz come close.