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qar
December 2008 
What's the most rebellious you've been?
Posted on Sep 23rd, 2007
by 
Traveling Alchemist
Traveling Alchemist
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 23, 2007:
I'm still rebelling. I'm what some folks call a 'late bloomer'. I didn't rebel at the 'usual' phase of my life, being that I was such a 'good girl' and all. What we don't finish in one phase of our life, we must complete at some other time. My time came when I had been married almost 25 years. I told my husband I didn't want to be that good little girl anymore, I didn't want to be 'wifey'. He didn't have a clue about what I meant.
So I went into therapy, joined a 12-step group for adult children of alcoholics, separated from my husband, and eventually divorced. Within two years I'd left my job, moved to another location to go to school for a master's degree. I've watched myself grow, and grow up, and I can see that I was not being my true self - the self that had odd ideas about things.
When I began to date again I consciously chose someone who was all that I wasn't - no higher education, blue collar worker, motorcycle (read Harley) enthusiast. We had some really good times together. When it came time for a serious and committed relationship, I found a fellow online, and very quickly we decided to share our lives with each other, through all, and 'hang in there' - sight unseen - only IM, email and phone communication. He was a rebel too, a real maverick. He was Doc. He taught me a lot about getting out of the box.
I still struggle to get out of the box sometimes. I envision the task as opening each box of a 'nested' set, like those little Russian dolls. I am beginning to see where I have more work to do - rocking the boat, and upsetting the status quo!
So I went into therapy, joined a 12-step group for adult children of alcoholics, separated from my husband, and eventually divorced. Within two years I'd left my job, moved to another location to go to school for a master's degree. I've watched myself grow, and grow up, and I can see that I was not being my true self - the self that had odd ideas about things.
When I began to date again I consciously chose someone who was all that I wasn't - no higher education, blue collar worker, motorcycle (read Harley) enthusiast. We had some really good times together. When it came time for a serious and committed relationship, I found a fellow online, and very quickly we decided to share our lives with each other, through all, and 'hang in there' - sight unseen - only IM, email and phone communication. He was a rebel too, a real maverick. He was Doc. He taught me a lot about getting out of the box.
I still struggle to get out of the box sometimes. I envision the task as opening each box of a 'nested' set, like those little Russian dolls. I am beginning to see where I have more work to do - rocking the boat, and upsetting the status quo!
Access: PublicTagged with: QaR, rebellious
So we share the late-blooming rebel, too. :-) I started rebelling at the age of 39 and haven't stopped. Call me a catalyst, a boat-rocker, an independent-minded ornery woman… take your pick. At least, it isn't boring. I like the Jack London statement - paraphrased - I'd rather burn out as a blazing comet than turn to dust as a stationary planet.
Amen to Jack London!!! I find I vascillate between being 'nice' and just letting it all hang out. My teacher told me I had to get over the 'Women's Disease' - being NICE. I'm going to think of an anachronism for that!!!
Speaking only as an observation of how I try to keep a balance in being authentic without that “nice” anchor around my neck - While I am a straightforward person, I try very hard to be compassionate and respectful of others, truly a loving being while still honest and true to who I am. It is not always easy and I sometimes fail miserably. However, I seem to have a reputation as a person who will be straight with folks but not mean or selfish. Sometimes being authentic is going to mean others will be very uncomfortable, particularly those who place “playing nice” above honesty integrity of being. My mother always had a mini-sermon - “If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.” Of course, it also has always been “Do as I say, not as I do.” However, the sermon is good. Sometimes the best choice is silence. People can draw their own conclusions and know I don't go along with their particular program but won't do or say anything deliberately to cause them pain. Other times, depending on the subject, I just have to be straight, outspoken and maintain my integrty. There never is a single, easy answer. To one degree or another, situations often dictate the appropriate response, while the best choice is do seek the highest good….. but then, who really knows the highest good for others?????????
Ah, what fun life can be.
How 'bout
Now
Is
Creating
Everything
????
I've been told many times how 'diplomatic' I am - it doesn't work with some people - not my daughter for instance - she'd rather have the whole truth, especially what's behind the body language. Problem is, what is read may not be what is being 'said' in that language…Yes, it definitely IS a balance. Saying a personal truth might bring pain to the hearer, but can we 'take care of' ourselves' and take care of others too?
I think intention is a key…when my conscious intention is to be kind and loving and at the same time stay in integrity, things usually work much better for everyone. I've noticed that when I feel compelled to disagree with someone, I try not be disagreeable but speak my truth with humor and a smile.
Sometimes I know that what I say won't be heard and so I stay silent (and that usually means that I mentally check out of any chance of a relationship with that person.) Like GiniEagle said…it depends on the people and the circumstances.
I've found that I'm fine with the times I don't speak up out of kindess or just recognition of the utter futility of it…as long as it comes from my own sense of inner strength. .But I've found that if I don't speak up when I need to because of fear…I am diminished…and I feel it.
T/A…thank you for writing about your life journey. You've come a long way baby.
N. I. C. E. is an 'acronym', not an anachronism!!! Oops!
Anachronism: An error in chronology; misplacing persons, places, events, objects or customs in regard to each other. A person or thing that is chronologically out of place; one from a former age that is incongruous in the present. (I think that might describe how I feel sometimes, lately!)