Gaia Community: Traveling Alchemist's Blog

Solstice Blessings

http://sunight.gaia.com — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 02:49:05 GMT

I send love to each of you, my friends, for a joyful, healthy, and spirit-filled year ahead. As the light of the days lengthens, may you find that your heart expands to receive the warmth of love.

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I'm Ba-a-a-a-ck!!!

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:19:15 GMT

Hello to all my friends - all those who haven't withdrawn because I've not been here much in the last few months! I have thought about you and missed you. Times available to get online were very limited during this trip as wifi hotspots were not always available.

I arrived back in Tucson last Wednesday, two days earlier than I planned. It was a good trip - a challenging trip - an educational trip - an expensive trip!!! I put over 6,000 miles on my truck and saw a lot of Oregon and a bit of Washington. Unfortunately, for much of the trip I felt very limited by my companion's life situation. I state that fact here, and because I don't want to revisit my feelings of resentment, I'll not speak anymore about it.

I learned a LOT about me, and what I want and don't want when it comes to traveling with another person! You can read about the trip here. There are a few photos that I inserted later from earlier in the trip, once I learned how.

One highlight of my trip was meeting a fellow from Washington at the local solar fair in John Day. He had his telescope pointed at the sun so folks could view it. He was reading a book, and I inquired about it - it was on the Enneagram. My inquiry began a conversation that lasted over three hours, sharing life stories, stories about recent losses of significant people in our lives, sharing our tears and hugs, and holding hands. We exchanged email addresses and have corresponded a few times since then. I bought a copy of the same book, and began to study it, to see what I'm like, and to ask about that from my traveling companion. I can say I've had my eyes opened a lot.

And I can say that in reviewing how I've lived my life, in many ways I've been a team player, not taking much for myself. I'm learning that that needs to change. It's good sometimes to be a team player, but only when there is an agreement that you're on a team!!!

These two weeks of preparation for going to New Mexico are very full of still more 'doing' - oil change/tire rotation, cleaning out my storage shed and packing the stuff in the truck, getting prescriptions filled, and visiting my Crone friends, mailing things to family so I'm not taking them with me down the road.

Yesterday I found a box of year books and albums of travels - the box was so heavy that I decided I would let go of these 'memories' - I don't need the material things to remember what's in my heart about where I've been - and my children are not interested in having that stuff. So I think...what a waste it all was. Today I threw out all my city planning drawings from my graduate program. Who in the least would care about them? And large framed posters that I appreciated when I had a condo are going to Goodwill on Monday. I've already been there once so far.

It is a little unnerving to see that all my worldly goods are packed in the back of my truck and in my trailer. I've let go of so much in the last few years, and I'm thinking that it ain't over yet! It's interesting to see that I am letting go of what is no longer needed or wanted, and that I am adding new things that bring me enjoyment. I seem to be following some kind of guidance, and I have no idea where things are headed for me. And through it all I still have what I need, and much of what I want. And tomorrow is not guaranteed. I still struggle to not be afraid.

Tags: life lessons, traveling, letting go

Adios, Amigos!!!

http://sunight.gaia.com — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:43:50 GMT

At least for another while!

This will probably be my last blog for quite awhile, and I wanted to let everyone know that I am finally getting on the road. I expected to leave on Sunday (my birthday...) but Liz said she could go with me if we could wait a few more days. I told her that come June 26 I was leaving - with her or without her.

The heat is really getting to me. This is the third June I've been in Tucson; it gets so hot before the monsoons. I've had to push myself to complete the necessary tasks of stowing away and securing everything, while perspiring profusely and getting a little overheated. Now that it's hot in the morning, too, there's hardly a time to do things in the coolness that used to be.

And while getting things ready for the trip, I've also been sorting through all my belongings and deciding what to get rid of and what to keep. Considering that many of the things were 'pretties' I had when I lived in a condo, and some were family 'heirlooms', and some of them were memories, and treasured art work, my mind has been jumbled with decision-making. I don't want to haul everything to NM when I get back to Tucson in October. But it looks like I will still take some of it.

I have managed to reduce the amount and weight of stuff I'll be taking with me. I sold a heavy three-ton jack that was never opened; and a set of golf clubs I'd only used twice. I still have the TV and the glass items that will have to wait their turns. And, although it was fairly expensive, I sent the glass items my daughter wanted, some of which were mine, and some that were her grandmother's. I'm glad that she will have the joy of using them.

I said goodbye to the Desert Crones last Thursday. I will be blessed this coming Thursday when, in their drumming circle, they drum me well-wishes on my journey. What a loving group of women. I hope to visit a few times during the winter, as Tucson is not that far from where I'll be - a day trip is all.

So tomorrow I put the hitch on the truck, empty the tanks of their fluids and do all that can be done until the very last minute on Thursday morning, mostly disconnecting the power and water and making sure everything is tied on tight.

So, for a while, my friends, I'm 'on the road again!'

Much love to you all.

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Changes

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 18:16:27 GMT

For my friends here at Gaia, I'm writing about the latest 'new' thing for me. I made a decision!!! It's hard to explain, but it was such a quick, yet considered, decision. And it was mine! Not one that carried any energy from others' thoughts, and over these past several months I've heard Doc a LOT!

Some of you know that my plan has been to return to Tucson for the winter after I spend the summer up in the Northwest. Well, all that has changed, on a dime - almost literally. I was planning to pay my rent for the year, (due June 1) although I'd be here only six months, because it's the most frugal way. I had a hard time parting with so much money at one fell swoop. So I made a call to the Loners on Wheels RV park in Deming, NM. I can spend the winter there for half the Tucson monthly rate (based on the annual cost), and I don't have to commit to a year to get that rate.

So when I get back to Tucson in October I'll be here just long enough to collect the things out of my storage and head to Deming. It's interesting how things just 'fell into place'. All I had to do was inquire, and I felt a LOT of pressure. The urging - 'come on, Su, decide, for Pete's sake!' So I did, and I feel so relieved. I acted on the thoughts I'd been having over the last few months - being with other single RVers, not stuck in a place of 'traditional' lifestyle, and saving a few coins.

The hardest aspect to this is leaving the warmth of the Desert Crones. I know, though, that their love comes right along with me, and I've made some lifetime friends who will know what I'm doing as I travel. And this new thing with beading is just blowing me away. My teacher says that I'm the best student she's ever had - and we are going to have to get together as much as possible while I'm in Tucson for her to teach me as much as she knows. I saw that Deming also has a gem show, so if I don't make it to the Tucson show next February, I can still get some new beads!!!

This new decision has sort of awakened me to the fact that this is really my life, and I'm not going to enjoy it if I always take the 'safe' route. I've made other big decisions, but this one is really different, in terms of how I feel about deciding differently, and seeing the synchronicity of it. I was thinking that when I get back I'll have to find a part-time job or do some temp work to supplement my income. Now I'm into the mode of looking for work-camping opportunities, and I've heard that they ARE out there!

I just wanted to share - I know that many of you probably don't stop here much anymore - and that's okay. For those of you who are curious, I say 'hi' and thanks for stopping by. I think of you all often, and wish you all the best as you spend your days becoming more and more enlightened. Much love to you all.

If you would like to follow my explorations I have a blog here

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Renewing Vows

http://sunight.gaia.com — Tue, 06 May 2008 02:24:53 GMT

Tonight is the new moon, upon which I usually do ceremony each month, setting intention and sending prayers to Creator. Tonight is different.

I read in the Science of Mind magazine for May that someone has declared May 4th Relationship Renewal Day - a day to renew your relationship with your partner or spouse. May 4th is the day on which my partner passed away last year (and coincidentally - ? - his former wedding anniversary!)

Yesterday I spent the day honoring our relationship and set intentions to release all that was negative and honor all as good. We continue to be partners, in Spirit, and as he said, quoting Buzz Lightyear, "to Infinity and beyond!"

Tonight I create ceremony to renew the relationship to myself, to honor myself, and to love myself as I have imagined a partner might, giving to myself that which I desire - attention, nurturance, playfulness, honor, and so forth. Last year while Doc's sister was visiting for the celebration of Doc's life we went to Tubac, AZ. I had mentioned that I was going to "marry myself". She kindly offered to provide the ring. Tonight I place it on my finger once again to remember Who I Am.

One thing I am is very excited to be re-creating myself with a new vision for my life. I am grateful that I have this place to share my vision with you, my friends, who have traveled with me through this past year.

Tags: partnership, self love, commitment

A Message to My Friends

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:40:43 GMT

I've been 'away' for a while, and now I want to update all my friends here on what has been happening...

I can hardly believe that it has been a year since I joined this community. I joined when Doc was hospitalized in March 2007. Since then I have been making a major readjustment to the loss of my partner and the dream we shared. Now it is time for me to re-create my life once again.

In recent months I have been anxious about how I'm going to live in and maintain my home - a 25' travel trailer that has been parked in the same spot since January 2007. I've been angry that I have to do it all alone - I'm so aware of the many things Doc did for us and this structure that I wasn't doing. And I've been feeling that as I AM living in a TRAVEL trailer, I should look at whether I want to continue to travel in it, and therefore, get it ready for the road.

Taking responsibility now, I have felt 'whelmed' (as Doc would say) by all the aspects of caring for this home by myself. As I don't want to experience the heat of another Tucson summer, it has become imperative that I get the trailer travel-ready. So, I recently hired an RV technician to come to my site and do some maintenance and repairs that I needed before I could safely travel - almost $1100 later, with repairs and four new trailer tires, I was 'ready', sort of.

I 'happened' to hear about an RV school that was happening in downtown Tucson this month - the Life on Wheels conference. Last week I attended 2 1/2 days and 10 90-minute courses on such subjects as tire safety, fire safety, RV insurance, awning care, batteries, boondocking, and working while on the road. I also packed up, hitched up the trailer to the truck, and drove to the other side of town to learn how to drive my rig, through a 3 1/2 hour RV driving course. I'm happy to report that after those few hours, with my neighbor as my teammate, I drove back home and parked the rig in my space, perfectly, on the first attempt! I just HAD to call my driving instructor to report on this - he reminded me that this may not happen on other attempts!!!

Now I feel ready to take myself (and my neighbor) on the road for the summer. That little excursion taught me more about how to pack the rig, and how to really do a safety check before hitting the road. I finally got all the pieces back together in my cabinets, and made some decisions about how I can simplify my surroundings even more than before.

My neighbor Liz - who lost her husband two months after Doc passed away, from the very same condition - has volunteered, along with me, for a Passport in Time heritage preservation program with the US Forest Service in Oregon. We will be traveling from Tucson to Oregon for a two-month project, and then travel to the Seattle area where we both have family. Then we will meander down the Oregon coast, head inland to dig for sunstones at a mine, and then begin the journey back to Tucson for the Fall.

Last summer I joined a group known as Loners on Wheels - it's a national organization for RVing singles, with local groups. I went on a few campouts, but in my truck only. Their focus is getting together monthly during the winter 'season' at southern Arizona sites to dry camp, and socialize. More recently I connected online with a group of solos who actually travel a lot more for longer distances. I met a few members of this group at the conference. So the networking is becoming invaluable to me!

For the next three months I will remain in Tucson, just hanging out and getting even more organized, taking inventory of tools, and making lists for what is in each compartment, to make things easier for me and my traveling companion. Although we won't be living in the trailer while doing our volunteer job - they provide free housing, and they'll let me park/store my rig in the office parking lot - it will be ready for our trip further north, and other points in Oregon.

I have dropped by some of my favorite places here at Gaia from time-to-time, and some of you have sent me short notes. Thanks for continuing to keep me in your thoughts...as I have kept you in mine. I hope to meet some of you who live in the area(s) I'll be traveling through. I invite you to contact me so we can make connections!

Love to you all,
Su

HomeSweetHome

"Not all who wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkein

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What have you been thinking about recently?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:21:19 GMT

I've decided that I will not spend another summer in Tucson and I've been researching options. I recently applied, with my friend, to volunteer at a national forest in Oregon to assist in heritage preservation projects. My focus is on making sure I have my truck and my trailer in good condition to travel the 1300 miles there. This will be my first experience on the road since Doc passed away last spring. I feel anxious, and excited. I have registered for a local course on boondocking and RV safety, and I'm exploring areas where I can inexpensively park my rig to make my trip financially rewarding.

Tags: QaR, thinking, thoughts, attention, preoccupation

Stepping Stones or Giant Boulders?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:02:41 GMT

I am trained in hypnotherapy - I have my credentials, and they are current. I am qualified in the state of Arizona, as well as registered in Colorado.

Where I live I decided to offer my knowledge to the community by writing an announcement for the community newsletter that I wanted to give a workshop on self-hypnosis to those who might be interested.

Not that I was totally surprised, but I was advised that I might not be able to conduct that workshop for 'liability' reasons; specifically that someone could hold the park responsible for a bad outcome. Fear...fear abounds...The fact that if I take a 'sanctioned' class for learning how to wrap wire around a stone, and I might cut a finger, and therefore come to the park for remuneration of my doctor's bills, is not an issue. Somehow, learning self-hypnosis creates a liability issue for the park.

I just wanted to put a sign-up sheet in the activity office to see who might be interested. I guess that anyone who might be interested is prohibited by 'park policy' from learning self-hypnosis in a group setting, but I can offer it on my site...(in my little trailer). Hmmm.

Now I am wondering how I can present information about the healing effects of hypnosis in a way that is not so threatening. There is a lot of need for education about this tool for finding solutions to our problems.

The deadline for the newsletter is tomorrow, so I am asking for guidance about 1) whether to continue to pursue the idea of a workshop, and 2) how I can create a workshop that is less threatening, but provides growth for those who seek it.

Tags: fear, hypnosis, creativity

The Joy of Cutting Up

http://sunight.gaia.com — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 03:51:23 GMT

New Year's Eve I had a ball - no, wait, I was at a ball...

For the first time in a very long time "Grace" showed up...she's my alter ego, and she's a bit of a tart, and mouthy. Doc didn't like her very much - she is very playful, and over the top, sometimes...

I went to the community New Year celebration where a DJ played a lot of familiar tunes, and I hung out with some friends - our table was the loudest and raunchiest - and I know we had more fun than anyone else there! We joked, danced, laughed a LOT, and played. Yes, there was alcohol present, and for a couple of us maybe too much down the hatch. No one got out of hand, though, or was totally out of control. Myself, I was conservative, but to see some of the pictures taken, you would think that maybe I really was over the top!

Anyway, it was a good thing. I didn't care about being respectable, or liked, or 'out of line' in another's view. It was just plain fun.

And today I was cutting up in another way - and remembering the joy of creating a project. The community photo club is sponsoring a photo contest in about a week. The deadline for submission was today. So I put together a 'presentation' - crude as it was...and I had a good time doing it. Measuring the poster board, and cutting out the opening to frame my photo was fun. I hadn't done anything like it since I was in grad school, in the architecture studio in 1995. I used my drawing tools, my scale, my Xacto knife...oh how good it felt! I'm a novice at creating prints of photos - I have a lot to learn. I'm not thrilled with how the printer applied the color to my photo paper. Never-the-less I decided to participate in something I enjoy,and I put forth the effort to submit a favorite photo - one that I'm proud of. Again, it doesn't matter whether I get a vote or not, whether someone else likes the photo or not. It was something I created, and gave to the community, just because.

Note: The image is the photo I mounted for the exhibit. It was taken in October while I was on a camping trip near Patagonia, AZ - taken in the morning as the sun backlit the web, next to my truck. I call it WWW (Web Within Web).

Tags: creativity, joy, being oneself

What does it take for someone to earn your trust?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 03:28:54 GMT

It helps when someone does what they say they are going to do; when they are who they say they are. Consistency; honesty; straightforwardness...being in their integrity.

Tags: QaR, trust, strangers, caution, trusting

Where do feel you most belong?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 16:31:57 GMT

Most of my life I've felt that I don't belong anywhere - like the Ugly Duckling...and as I grow, I see that a lot of that 'not belonging' has been a choice I've made. There is always the issue of balancing my needs with the needs of others - the individual and the collective. And there is the idea that when I don't feel I belong, it's because I am rejecting myself in some way...I'm not clear on how I do that, but it makes sense to me that for some places, people, etc., they are 'not me', as a shadow self. And it's okay - not all folks resonate with me, and vice versa. Mostly in my life I have felt I'm at the edge of a thing, or 'on the fringes', not willing to just jump right into something, no matter how appealing...So there is a wariness. It was a great experience to feel a part of a community in the workshops I attended with the Foundation for Community Encouragement. Autonomy, within a group - consensus - equal partnership. I love true community! They are rare...some places within zaadz come close.

Tags: QaR, belonging, groups, joining, welcome, welcoming

How would you continue the first post you made in your blog?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 17:43:25 GMT

My first blog was the day I joined zaadz, and Doc was in the hospital. He passed away a few weeks later. In the past eight months since his passing I have been traveling through the fog of grief. I am discovering more of the self I left behind when I entered our relationship. Many days with Doc were wonderful, and sporadically they were inharmonious, which left me feeling depleted and defeated. I am grateful that I didn't quit, and that I did 'hang in there', which is what our promise to each other was about. It wasn't easy sometimes.

I am still struggling to understand our relationship from a spiritual perspective - shadow and light, duality v. non-duality, acceptance and unconditional love v. judgment and criticism. With the distance of a few months I can see some things I wasn't able to see before, even in this fog. It must be the yellow-tinted glasses, not the rose-colored ones I was wearing before! Humor aside, when a significant relationship ends through death, and the other isn't around to converse with, it's difficult to work through the splinters of the relationship. I want to know what went wrong, what could I have done to make things better - how did I need to view things differently? Where did I go wrong? Some of my questions are unanswerable. Oh, that it were that easy to just 'dump' the baggage and move on, freely. Unfortunately, it's a process - one that takes as long as it takes.

I recently was awakened by something I heard on TV about how we allow ourselves to be controlled by an 'other' by hanging on to feelings of anger, resentment, etc. - basically staying attached to them through these feelings, which permeate every other relationship we are in. This is why it is necessary for me to release my feelings...I do it consciously; however, it still takes time...

Tags: QaR, blogging, writing, posting, community

What is shifting in your thinking?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 18:10:04 GMT

I have been catching glimpses of myself in my new life. Some Light is entering into my awareness of the power I have to create a life anew, without my partner. It is amazing how much I absorbed of his being, his attitudes about certain things, and his ideas about life. We held mutual ideas about some things; I was receptive to his ideas about other things. Now that our mutual dream is over, I have been occasionally aware of the fog lifting so that I can see what I want to do - knowing that first of all I don't have to solve the problem right NOW, as that is a pressure I usually place on myself. Secondly, I don't have to know yet what the 'answer' is to any of my questions. I can allow myself to flow into it...I realize that I have another opportunity to deepen myself, and become more of who I am in a different way. It feels somehow like I am completing something I started years ago, that within my relationship was temporarily put on hold.

Tags: QaR, thinking, shifting, thoughts, beliefs

What message do you have for the world today?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:58:58 GMT

Simplify...remember the simple and profound gifts that are ours from Spirit. Focus on simplicity and the joy of living simply. Remember that the only moment one has is the one that is being lived right now. Make it the best!

Tags: QaR. world, message, thoughtfulness

What gift will you give the world today?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:54:35 GMT

A big Good Medicine hug to my friend George, who is receiving chemotherapy for colon cancer.

Tags: QaR, gift, giving, love

What do you want to be your personal word of the day?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:51:14 GMT

JOY!

I have Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart...to stay.

Tags: QaR, word, day, word of the day, definition

By which 'sense' are you most affected?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:16:39 GMT

Well, I loved Aley's response - common sense.

And I also love non-sense...

In terms of our six senses, perhaps more (?)...my hearing is the strongest. I'm unsure about my intuition - it seems to be related to my common sense, which I know I have plenty of...

When I was raising children my husband would advise me about things he had told them, and I would say, 'I know'. He thought that as I was in a room on the other end of the house I couldn't hear what he was saying to them. I think it's a skill I learned growing up - perhaps I was a bit hypervigilant...

Tags: QaR, senses, touch, taste, vision, sound, sensation

Bloggin' the Blues

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 20:30:23 GMT

Today it would be nice if someone would stop by MY house and give me a hug. It would be nice if someone would come by to see how I'M doing. I walk by my neighbor's house everyday on my way to the mail box - she's the one who lost her husband two months after Doc passed, of the very same disease. When she's out on her patio, taking her smoke, I stop to say hello, and spend some time chatting, commiserating, perhaps. Has she made any effort to come by my house to see how I am? NO. She did come by one evening though, to ask if I'd seen her cat... Almost daily I make it a point to go to another friend's house to give him a hug. He is getting chemotherapy for terminal colon cancer. I feel like we've always known each other. His wife and I have become friends, and we've shared some time by the pool talking about our past losses and disappointments. We've been to lunch together - I've offered to accompany her on errands, not only for the friendship, but to get myself away from my emptiness. When I haven't been by for a couple of days, do they call to inquire if I'm okay? NO. Today I'd love to have a hug - a real face-to-face contact, where someone is wondering about how I AM. Today I'm tired from too much grief, too much dealing with the realities of caring for this trailer by myself - i.e., frozen hose lines and no heat - and not enough sleep. People go by this place on their bikes, walking, talking, and if they see me outside, they acknowledge me - it's that superficial neighborliness on their way to their own business. I went to a dance on Friday night to put myself into a more social energy - and I did dance some. I had a good time. I came by myself, and I left by myself - and there was not anyone to say 'bye, have a good night' or 'take care going home.' I don't usually have 'pity parties' for myself, but today, I'm down, and missing some REAL human contact with someone who really cares about me. I'm tired of being the one who reaches out to touch someone or 'ask for help.' I've been doing that. Today I'm just plain tired of being the one who is putting out the energy...

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What would you like to learn today?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:03:19 GMT

I feel my resistance popping up at this question. I don't want to learn anything today is what I hear me saying...I spend so much time 'learning', as in studying, that I don't want to put any energy into it today. So maybe I'll 'learn' to just be...

Tags: QaR, learning, education, knowledge

Do you pay much attention to what others think of you?

http://sunight.gaia.com — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:20:13 GMT

Not too much anymore. I haven't totally freed myself of concern; however, I'm getting better at focusing on MY life, rather than how I can fit into others' lives...I'm becoming more attuned to what is important to me, regardless of how others respond or react.

Tags: QaR, perception, self-consciousness, care, others